[He exits the Black Box and leans against the wall, trying to get a handle on himself. Garrus can still feel the cold water closing in over his head, the way it felt to run out of air, and it's all he can do to not start throwing up. Shaky, he's not altogether sure he can do this again. But he's already started. He's already in and committed. He'll go again. Just... not today.
Head bowed, Garrus doesn't even really look up when he hears someone else exit. If they want to keep to themselves after their experience he isn't going to blame them. He does lift a hand to wave, though.]
Logically, he knows exactly what it's doing. Those were the instructions on it, after all. Target the weakness and test it over and over until it gets better. Thus far, he really hasn't made too much progress– the angle in which to beat it hasn't come to him yet. He's sure after a few more times, it'll make more sense. After all, he's still a little lost on what exactly the damn thing is testing.
Is it attachments? His nearly non-existent emotions? Mouth pulled into a slight frown, he steps away from his box, eyebrows furrowing as he replays the events. It wasn't pretty, his shortest session yet. Letting out a sigh, he glances up to refocus on where he was going– time to call it a day for now.
Though thankfully (or maybe not?) he sees Garrus, who looks to be in a similar state. The alien looks how he feels, which is to say...awful. Nodding, he gives the other an uncharacteristically tight smile. ]
How many times have you been dragged through the wringer?
[He looks up. The human is nearly always smiling, but Garrus can't blame November for letting the mask slip after the box. He can't even keep his main tones as casual as he'd like - they're weary and his subharmonics are low and muted.]
Twice. Twice now.
[Wringer has to do with laundry, right? And that gets wet. So it fits.
Garrus straightens, still surprised he's not dripping everywhere. Maybe it'd be easier if he knew how to stop failing. Learn to swim? What's that going to do when he's built the way he is?]
I get the... the premise. Drill you. Bang it through your skull that how you're doing something isn't the right way. But don't most instructors, or instruction programs, then tell you what's expected? How to fix where you're failing?
[There's a slightly higher edge to his subharmonics now. Garrus knows he'll be going in again and he wants an answer that he knows he's not going to get.]
I don't...
[He shakes his head. He's rarely this open, this honest, but he's too exhausted to put his emotional shielding back up. He's just died a third time - once to a bullet from Arbuckal, and twice from drowning. It doesn't get easier.]
[ Even if the physical weariness didn't tip him off, the difference in Garrus' tone is enough to indicate how tired and stressed the other is. November can't really blame him. Can't blame any of them, because while there's knowing what one is getting into, it's entirely something else once you're faced with it.
He still isn't sure what he's facing down, nor how he's going to step up to the plate and own up on it. ]
I've no idea. Frankly, I'm a little unsure on what they're trying to get at, in the ones I've gone through, myself. [ A pause, as he goes over it once more in his head. His body reacts, pulse ticking up with adrenaline when he remembers a gun and– ]
Dagger did say it won't be easy, that we'll probably be at it more than thrice. I just am not sure if beating it means actually overcoming whatever it is, or if it's a matter of accepting it.
File on the Black Box says it won't be easy too. Don't really expect easy. But... the endgoal'd be nice whether it's overcoming or accepting, as you say.
[Accepting drowning? That can't be the point, but there could be something else he's missing. Accepting his natural limits? More likely, but he doesn't think that's something the CDC's aiming for.
Garrus gestures at the door, pushing off the wall and standing more.]
Wanna go get a drink? And then maybe... hah. Maybe talk around things. Not really sure I want to talk about, yet, you know?
[He wonders if November's just died too. He wouldn't be surprised.]
Failure's not something I do. Makes this somewhat more of a challenge.
I imagine this is just another test of our critical thinking skills, however vague.
[ He doesn't really have a problem with how the CDC operates, overall. But, not knowing the end goal seems a bit obtuse. But only a bit, since technically, he'd put himself through this. Simply because Dagger had subtly challenged him to do so. Honestly, he should regret his actions more, being goaded into doing the black box, but he just takes more interest in it. The box itself is challenging him to make something of the puzzle. November hates leaving things unsolved. ]
I'll join for the company. I'm not sure a drink will do much. [ He still has too many secrets. ]
That makes two of us, my friend. [ If Garrus is leading the way, he'll follow, relieved to have someone to talk around the subject. ]
[Garrus does start leading, heading for the solar club. That will be a welcome change after winding up underwater again.]
In my experience, a drink or two helps. Three or four hinder, and then any more than that and you've just made a whole other mess.
[The teleporter pad is up ahead, and Garrus steps in.]
Personally, I'd think it would be more of a test of our critical thinking skills if we knew the point that the thing was trying to get across. Then, instead of reacting and dealing with things in the moment, we could put our head to that goal in the downtime. Work at it. Come up with options. Maybe they wouldn't work, but we'd be analyzing it more.
You’re not wrong. Though in my delicate old age, I’ve become less tolerant of alcohol in general.
[ Old age? What.
November follows him up to the teleporter pad, stepping on without much aplomb. ]
The CDC giving us a heads up about something? Now that will be the day. For some reason I don’t put too much stake in that route happening, as much as I don’t mind my employment here.
[ Well. “Employment”. Still, his point stands. He has a feeling the instructors will at least live up to the expectations of granting him what he’d asked for. Beyond that, he doesn’t think they’ll bend too far over backwards to be accommodating. The teleporter takes the two of them to a separate part of the ship, away from the black boxes (out of sight, hopefully out of mind). ]
Besides, they could also be driving home that we can’t account for everything.
[ Which is something he hates. He’s used to calling the shots and making the plans (and the backup plans. And the backups for the backups). But what is he going to do about it? There’s not much use in complaining. ]
How old even are you? Can't say I'm an expert at telling human ages, but I had you pegged as near my age, at most. Though I'll give you the other. They don't really find informing people to be important.
[Which makes it hard to know what's to come as a Unit Lead.]
Even when we were level 1. You get anything from them, back then?
Now, now, a gentleman never gives away his age. It breaks the illusion.
[ Of what??? ]
In all seriousness– I'm woefully close to 30. I try not to think about it.
[ Vain. ]
They really don't. I believe I've gotten more from just interacting with the instructors on a one on one basis. It's certainly not much, but it's better than taking full stabs in the dark. Instead, it's taking stabs in the dark with pinhole lights.
[ An improvement, maybe. ]
I'll at least give them some slack. Some of the information should be filtered; it's not an uncommon practice in any organisation like this.
[Because he knows that for some reason you're not supposed to ask human women their ages, but human men? Never heard of there being an issue there before and he's pretty sure November's messing with them. But it doesn't bother Garrus. Quite the opposite; he likes joking around with the guy.]
If you're nearly thirty, than you're younger than me. So I don't want to hear about delicate old age. And... Yeah.
[He has to concede the point about information needing to be filtered, even if he doesn't like it.]
But it does mean that there's stuff they're hiding for a reason, stuff they know people aren't gonna like. Maybe they've been through enough crews where they found out telling people upfront would backfire. Makes me wonder how long it'll be before we get to know, though. Never been great at operating in the dark.
[ He's not even going to defend himself on that. After all, it's a small bit of amusement. ]
I'm quite a bit younger than a decent amount of people here, so I've noticed. If it helps any, I wouldn't have pegged you as someone in their delicate old age. [ A compliment??? ]
Who knows. [ A noncommittal shrug. ] Judging from the context clues, they've definitely been through plenty of crews in the past to have learned from their mistakes. Of course, every crew operates differently, but I think they've found there are some things that overlap that they just can't talk about.
[ He's run into this sort of thing before. Fortunately, because of his nature, he's usually the one being told not to tell things to other people. MI6 had trusted him not to lose his head. ]
I dislike it as much as you, but all we can really do is be prepared. As much as the Black Box isn't the most positive experience, it is working on weaknesses.
One day you're gonna regret the delicate old age comment.
[It's a joke, not a threat.]
Some mission's gonna come up where we gotta haul Reds out all over again, and you'll be relying on me not being delicate.
[And relying on Dagger not wanting more to die, again, too. That definitely hadn't been encouraging to find out, that Dagger had wanted more to die than did. That more were meant to die than did.]
Anyway. We can be prepared, and we can dig. Because I'm sure they don't expect people to sit back and not ask questions. Not when they promoted a group in the past to a level where they had more info.
[ It wouldn't be the first time his mouth has gotten him in trouble. Oops. ]
I know I will be. I've no illusions otherwise.
[ Dagger wants to kill his team always. Sometimes it's out of a strange form of affection. Like when he wanted November to try and kill Hei. Or was that just to see who came out on top? He's still not sure. ]
We'll just have to be careful where we strike our shovels. [ The phrasing is lighthearted, but the sentiment isn't. Digging in the wrong places can get them in trouble. ] And who we choose to ask.
[Everything takes care here, something Garrus is still working on. He can be discrete, but knowing what questions to ask isn't something he's figured out yet. Thankfully others seem to be better at that. He looks at November.]
And careful with choosing who to talk to. More than one head on a problem helps.
Well, alright, maybe it isn't. But it isn't just his good looks that have gotten him this far. A healthy (or perhaps, unhealthy) dose of paranoia has kept him alive. And that bleeds into his words, his mannerisms, his choices. MI6 had trained him to be careful of what he said, who he said it to, and how it was said. Words are powerful, and choosing the wrong ones for the right target can end up disastrous.
He's gotten very, very good at picking things to say and who to say them to. ]
Most assuredly; though that does fall into my skillset, Mr. Vakarian. I'll lean on your power and you're free to lean on my diplomatic heart. [ His silver tongue, more like. ]
[He's feeling a lot better by the time they reach the bar. No, he doesn't have the Black Box figured out, and it's not likely that he will for some time, but November being his regular slippery self helps, somehow. This is why they need downtime - connections. With connections, friends, most things are easier. And while he doesn't quite trust November enough to call him friend just yet, he likes the guy and that's close enough.]
And maybe I can get some lessons in diplomacy one of these days.
[ His response is equally amused, head tilted slightly as he glances over at Garrus. ]
I don't doubt that you will. [ Because he's on Green and he's a lead– that amounts for something, doesn't it? Getting to his position isn't easy. But now, getting this far for either of them hasn't been what he'd call simple. November has had a less difficult time of it, due to his powers and being a Contractor overall; both enormous advantages working for a company that destroys worlds.
Even so, he's seen similar people come and go (not for the last time he thinks of Hei and is reminded of his mortality). He's stuck it out this far, as has the lead next to him. They have their worries with the Black Box, what it means, how they're to conquer it– but neither of them are going to bend to it. ]
My friend, I am at your beck and call. [ Kinda. ] I'd ask for lessons in how to be a tank of a person, but I don't think that's a teachable aspect.
[Only November had been speaking for Red, after all, instead of five or six or so. Garrus has no doubts that there are units in Red as well, separate teams, but as every attempt to carefully get details has been rebuffed he also has no doubt that they're gag ordered. And he's seen what happens when a Red violates a gag order. He's not going to press. Especially not when he likes November, for all of the obvious experience he's got with dodging around answers.]
But yeah. You're pretty good at diplomacy and words, and I'm gonna take you up on that later. When we've got time and haven't just been through that.
[Garrus jerks his thumb back in the direction they'd come.]
And I think you've got the field figured out, pretty well, but if there's any specific sort of combat I can help with, you've got it. For now, though, [he gives the bartender a nod,] for now I'm gonna have a beer and forget some stuff, I think.
I do try my best. It'd be a welcome change, really. [ He hasn't had to teach someone diplomacy in a long while. How strange that it's coming up now. Of course, it makes sense– a bit of balance can only help them. ]
I appreciate it. If I have questions, you'll be sure to know. [ November passes on the bartender's look, he's sticking to what he'd initially gone with. Alcohol and post-Black Box don't mix. Actually, alcohol and MI6 didn't mix much either. ] That was certainly an adventure. Part of me is half-tempted to go back in, though.
[His mandibles draw close to his face as he takes a drink, and Garrus shrugs once he's swallowed.]
We'll go in until we beat it. If you're feeling up to it again, then I'd say go for it. Me...
[He breathes out and shakes his head. As much as he wants to beat the black box and be done with this particular scenario, Garrus isn't going to push it too hard. There's enough on their plates already.]
Tomorrow. I'll die again tomorrow. For now I'm gonna have my beer and unwind.
[ Leaning one arm on the bar, he lets himself relax a bit (at least in posture, his mind is still running). Bringing physical tension into the conversation seems impolite. ]
I'll pass on it for today. It's more exhausting than I imagined.
[ In what way, he hasn't completely figured out. ]
Brave soul. If I were dying in mine... well, I suppose it would be karma.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
d74, action
Head bowed, Garrus doesn't even really look up when he hears someone else exit. If they want to keep to themselves after their experience he isn't going to blame them. He does lift a hand to wave, though.]
no subject
Logically, he knows exactly what it's doing. Those were the instructions on it, after all. Target the weakness and test it over and over until it gets better. Thus far, he really hasn't made too much progress– the angle in which to beat it hasn't come to him yet. He's sure after a few more times, it'll make more sense. After all, he's still a little lost on what exactly the damn thing is testing.
Is it attachments? His nearly non-existent emotions? Mouth pulled into a slight frown, he steps away from his box, eyebrows furrowing as he replays the events. It wasn't pretty, his shortest session yet. Letting out a sigh, he glances up to refocus on where he was going– time to call it a day for now.
Though thankfully (or maybe not?) he sees Garrus, who looks to be in a similar state. The alien looks how he feels, which is to say...awful. Nodding, he gives the other an uncharacteristically tight smile. ]
How many times have you been dragged through the wringer?
no subject
Twice. Twice now.
[Wringer has to do with laundry, right? And that gets wet. So it fits.
Garrus straightens, still surprised he's not dripping everywhere. Maybe it'd be easier if he knew how to stop failing. Learn to swim? What's that going to do when he's built the way he is?]
I get the... the premise. Drill you. Bang it through your skull that how you're doing something isn't the right way. But don't most instructors, or instruction programs, then tell you what's expected? How to fix where you're failing?
[There's a slightly higher edge to his subharmonics now. Garrus knows he'll be going in again and he wants an answer that he knows he's not going to get.]
I don't...
[He shakes his head. He's rarely this open, this honest, but he's too exhausted to put his emotional shielding back up. He's just died a third time - once to a bullet from Arbuckal, and twice from drowning. It doesn't get easier.]
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He still isn't sure what he's facing down, nor how he's going to step up to the plate and own up on it. ]
I've no idea. Frankly, I'm a little unsure on what they're trying to get at, in the ones I've gone through, myself. [ A pause, as he goes over it once more in his head. His body reacts, pulse ticking up with adrenaline when he remembers a gun and– ]
Dagger did say it won't be easy, that we'll probably be at it more than thrice. I just am not sure if beating it means actually overcoming whatever it is, or if it's a matter of accepting it.
no subject
[Accepting drowning? That can't be the point, but there could be something else he's missing. Accepting his natural limits? More likely, but he doesn't think that's something the CDC's aiming for.
Garrus gestures at the door, pushing off the wall and standing more.]
Wanna go get a drink? And then maybe... hah. Maybe talk around things. Not really sure I want to talk about, yet, you know?
[He wonders if November's just died too. He wouldn't be surprised.]
Failure's not something I do. Makes this somewhat more of a challenge.
no subject
[ He doesn't really have a problem with how the CDC operates, overall. But, not knowing the end goal seems a bit obtuse. But only a bit, since technically, he'd put himself through this. Simply because Dagger had subtly challenged him to do so. Honestly, he should regret his actions more, being goaded into doing the black box, but he just takes more interest in it. The box itself is challenging him to make something of the puzzle. November hates leaving things unsolved. ]
I'll join for the company. I'm not sure a drink will do much. [ He still has too many secrets. ]
That makes two of us, my friend. [ If Garrus is leading the way, he'll follow, relieved to have someone to talk around the subject. ]
no subject
In my experience, a drink or two helps. Three or four hinder, and then any more than that and you've just made a whole other mess.
[The teleporter pad is up ahead, and Garrus steps in.]
Personally, I'd think it would be more of a test of our critical thinking skills if we knew the point that the thing was trying to get across. Then, instead of reacting and dealing with things in the moment, we could put our head to that goal in the downtime. Work at it. Come up with options. Maybe they wouldn't work, but we'd be analyzing it more.
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[ Old age? What.
November follows him up to the teleporter pad, stepping on without much aplomb. ]
The CDC giving us a heads up about something? Now that will be the day. For some reason I don’t put too much stake in that route happening, as much as I don’t mind my employment here.
[ Well. “Employment”. Still, his point stands. He has a feeling the instructors will at least live up to the expectations of granting him what he’d asked for. Beyond that, he doesn’t think they’ll bend too far over backwards to be accommodating. The teleporter takes the two of them to a separate part of the ship, away from the black boxes (out of sight, hopefully out of mind). ]
Besides, they could also be driving home that we can’t account for everything.
[ Which is something he hates. He’s used to calling the shots and making the plans (and the backup plans. And the backups for the backups). But what is he going to do about it? There’s not much use in complaining. ]
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[That gets a snort.]
How old even are you? Can't say I'm an expert at telling human ages, but I had you pegged as near my age, at most. Though I'll give you the other. They don't really find informing people to be important.
[Which makes it hard to know what's to come as a Unit Lead.]
Even when we were level 1. You get anything from them, back then?
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[ Of what??? ]
In all seriousness– I'm woefully close to 30. I try not to think about it.
[ Vain. ]
They really don't. I believe I've gotten more from just interacting with the instructors on a one on one basis. It's certainly not much, but it's better than taking full stabs in the dark. Instead, it's taking stabs in the dark with pinhole lights.
[ An improvement, maybe. ]
I'll at least give them some slack. Some of the information should be filtered; it's not an uncommon practice in any organisation like this.
no subject
[Because he knows that for some reason you're not supposed to ask human women their ages, but human men? Never heard of there being an issue there before and he's pretty sure November's messing with them. But it doesn't bother Garrus. Quite the opposite; he likes joking around with the guy.]
If you're nearly thirty, than you're younger than me. So I don't want to hear about delicate old age. And... Yeah.
[He has to concede the point about information needing to be filtered, even if he doesn't like it.]
But it does mean that there's stuff they're hiding for a reason, stuff they know people aren't gonna like. Maybe they've been through enough crews where they found out telling people upfront would backfire. Makes me wonder how long it'll be before we get to know, though. Never been great at operating in the dark.
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[ He's not even going to defend himself on that. After all, it's a small bit of amusement. ]
I'm quite a bit younger than a decent amount of people here, so I've noticed. If it helps any, I wouldn't have pegged you as someone in their delicate old age. [ A compliment??? ]
Who knows. [ A noncommittal shrug. ] Judging from the context clues, they've definitely been through plenty of crews in the past to have learned from their mistakes. Of course, every crew operates differently, but I think they've found there are some things that overlap that they just can't talk about.
[ He's run into this sort of thing before. Fortunately, because of his nature, he's usually the one being told not to tell things to other people. MI6 had trusted him not to lose his head. ]
I dislike it as much as you, but all we can really do is be prepared. As much as the Black Box isn't the most positive experience, it is working on weaknesses.
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[It's a joke, not a threat.]
Some mission's gonna come up where we gotta haul Reds out all over again, and you'll be relying on me not being delicate.
[And relying on Dagger not wanting more to die, again, too. That definitely hadn't been encouraging to find out, that Dagger had wanted more to die than did. That more were meant to die than did.]
Anyway. We can be prepared, and we can dig. Because I'm sure they don't expect people to sit back and not ask questions. Not when they promoted a group in the past to a level where they had more info.
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[ It wouldn't be the first time his mouth has gotten him in trouble. Oops. ]
I know I will be. I've no illusions otherwise.
[ Dagger wants to kill his team always. Sometimes it's out of a strange form of affection. Like when he wanted November to try and kill Hei. Or was that just to see who came out on top? He's still not sure. ]
We'll just have to be careful where we strike our shovels. [ The phrasing is lighthearted, but the sentiment isn't. Digging in the wrong places can get them in trouble. ] And who we choose to ask.
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[Everything takes care here, something Garrus is still working on. He can be discrete, but knowing what questions to ask isn't something he's figured out yet. Thankfully others seem to be better at that. He looks at November.]
And careful with choosing who to talk to. More than one head on a problem helps.
no subject
Well, alright, maybe it isn't. But it isn't just his good looks that have gotten him this far. A healthy (or perhaps, unhealthy) dose of paranoia has kept him alive. And that bleeds into his words, his mannerisms, his choices. MI6 had trained him to be careful of what he said, who he said it to, and how it was said. Words are powerful, and choosing the wrong ones for the right target can end up disastrous.
He's gotten very, very good at picking things to say and who to say them to. ]
Most assuredly; though that does fall into my skillset, Mr. Vakarian. I'll lean on your power and you're free to lean on my diplomatic heart. [ His silver tongue, more like. ]
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Diplomatic heart. All right. We'll go with that.
[It's said teasingly, not malevolently.]
I'll do my best with protecting.
[He's feeling a lot better by the time they reach the bar. No, he doesn't have the Black Box figured out, and it's not likely that he will for some time, but November being his regular slippery self helps, somehow. This is why they need downtime - connections. With connections, friends, most things are easier. And while he doesn't quite trust November enough to call him friend just yet, he likes the guy and that's close enough.]
And maybe I can get some lessons in diplomacy one of these days.
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[ His response is equally amused, head tilted slightly as he glances over at Garrus. ]
I don't doubt that you will. [ Because he's on Green and he's a lead– that amounts for something, doesn't it? Getting to his position isn't easy. But now, getting this far for either of them hasn't been what he'd call simple. November has had a less difficult time of it, due to his powers and being a Contractor overall; both enormous advantages working for a company that destroys worlds.
Even so, he's seen similar people come and go (not for the last time he thinks of Hei and is reminded of his mortality). He's stuck it out this far, as has the lead next to him. They have their worries with the Black Box, what it means, how they're to conquer it– but neither of them are going to bend to it. ]
My friend, I am at your beck and call. [ Kinda. ] I'd ask for lessons in how to be a tank of a person, but I don't think that's a teachable aspect.
no subject
[Only November had been speaking for Red, after all, instead of five or six or so. Garrus has no doubts that there are units in Red as well, separate teams, but as every attempt to carefully get details has been rebuffed he also has no doubt that they're gag ordered. And he's seen what happens when a Red violates a gag order. He's not going to press. Especially not when he likes November, for all of the obvious experience he's got with dodging around answers.]
But yeah. You're pretty good at diplomacy and words, and I'm gonna take you up on that later. When we've got time and haven't just been through that.
[Garrus jerks his thumb back in the direction they'd come.]
And I think you've got the field figured out, pretty well, but if there's any specific sort of combat I can help with, you've got it. For now, though, [he gives the bartender a nod,] for now I'm gonna have a beer and forget some stuff, I think.
no subject
[ Or something like that. ]
I do try my best. It'd be a welcome change, really. [ He hasn't had to teach someone diplomacy in a long while. How strange that it's coming up now. Of course, it makes sense– a bit of balance can only help them. ]
I appreciate it. If I have questions, you'll be sure to know. [ November passes on the bartender's look, he's sticking to what he'd initially gone with. Alcohol and post-Black Box don't mix. Actually, alcohol and MI6 didn't mix much either. ] That was certainly an adventure. Part of me is half-tempted to go back in, though.
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We'll go in until we beat it. If you're feeling up to it again, then I'd say go for it. Me...
[He breathes out and shakes his head. As much as he wants to beat the black box and be done with this particular scenario, Garrus isn't going to push it too hard. There's enough on their plates already.]
Tomorrow. I'll die again tomorrow. For now I'm gonna have my beer and unwind.
no subject
I'll pass on it for today. It's more exhausting than I imagined.
[ In what way, he hasn't completely figured out. ]
Brave soul. If I were dying in mine... well, I suppose it would be karma.