[He doesn't want that to be true. But it's such a familiar argument, he can't help the way it makes his stomach sink. Can you cure a beheading? In Thedas, everything he's saying would be ludicrous, impossible, a waste of breath and time. If this turned out to be the same way, after all this, he doesn't know what he'd do. Another world with people like his, with abuses like his, might be too much to consider.]
I don't believe that. Things can be learned. They can be unlearned. Today proves that it's at least possible, you can't tell me that's not true.
What harm is there in trying? If I'm wrong, then— [something in his expression cracks] I'm wrong. You can tell me "I told you so" as much as you like.
Anders, the point is that I didn't learn anything. [ One day, he'd woken up like this, unprompted. He'd only fallen asleep, uncomfortably, under a heavy overhanging brush. The next thing he remembered was reflexively grabbing someone's hand as they'd tried to knife him, blue light, and a rush of cold. After that, it was staring at the body of the friend who'd been next to him, numb all over and only faintly curious why. ]
Trying to incite emotion feels like reaching blindly into a dark room. [ He doesn't know what his hand will connect with. Like when he'd gone into the Black Box. ]
[He's silent for a long, uncomfortable moment. His jaw clenches. He finds he can't maintain eye contact, and glares at the opposite wall instead.
He is, slowly but surely, being worn down. Inevitability digs claws of doubt back into him, right at the edges. Some things simply are. They can't be changed, only toppled. Some people suffer, and can't be fixed. Some people can't notice at all that they might be suffering.]
I'm still not hearing a decent reason why you won't.
[He doesn't have much in way of arguments left. It might be a sign he knows he's losing.]
[ He notes the lack of eye contact and decides not to comment on it. Anders is the type to fight to the very end, as he is now. Some battles, though, aren't the ones that can be won. Or if they can, it's not immediate. ]
Because asking someone to start a fire they don't have the tools for isn't going to get you anywhere.
[ If there is something there, it's buried beneath layers of frost. ]
You have them. You just don't know how to use them.
[He sounds more resigned than insistent, now. To him, it feels like November is at the very edge; if he'd just take one more step, it might make all the difference. But this is an old situation, and a familiar argument. People like this look at the world like their feet were nailed to the floor.
He still wants to try. He probably still will try, never accustomed to giving up after falling down only once.]
If that's what you want to think, I'm not going to stop you.
[ November is taking advantage of Anders' resignment here. Pushing back, because what else is there to do? He doesn't understand how to tap into whatever lies underneath. It feels so foreign to him, coming in bits and pieces almost unbidden. He'd heard before, that Contractors that revert feel like their lives were unreal, a film strip. To him, his life before what he is now seems that way. ]
But even if it is true, I don't see the point the Black Box was trying to get at with that route. Logic will always be first and foremost. [ Except when it pertains to Decade. He's not about to say that out loud, though. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I don't believe that. Things can be learned. They can be unlearned. Today proves that it's at least possible, you can't tell me that's not true.
What harm is there in trying? If I'm wrong, then— [something in his expression cracks] I'm wrong. You can tell me "I told you so" as much as you like.
no subject
Trying to incite emotion feels like reaching blindly into a dark room. [ He doesn't know what his hand will connect with. Like when he'd gone into the Black Box. ]
no subject
He is, slowly but surely, being worn down. Inevitability digs claws of doubt back into him, right at the edges. Some things simply are. They can't be changed, only toppled. Some people suffer, and can't be fixed. Some people can't notice at all that they might be suffering.]
I'm still not hearing a decent reason why you won't.
[He doesn't have much in way of arguments left. It might be a sign he knows he's losing.]
no subject
Because asking someone to start a fire they don't have the tools for isn't going to get you anywhere.
[ If there is something there, it's buried beneath layers of frost. ]
no subject
[He sounds more resigned than insistent, now. To him, it feels like November is at the very edge; if he'd just take one more step, it might make all the difference. But this is an old situation, and a familiar argument. People like this look at the world like their feet were nailed to the floor.
He still wants to try. He probably still will try, never accustomed to giving up after falling down only once.]
no subject
[ November is taking advantage of Anders' resignment here. Pushing back, because what else is there to do? He doesn't understand how to tap into whatever lies underneath. It feels so foreign to him, coming in bits and pieces almost unbidden. He'd heard before, that Contractors that revert feel like their lives were unreal, a film strip. To him, his life before what he is now seems that way. ]
But even if it is true, I don't see the point the Black Box was trying to get at with that route. Logic will always be first and foremost. [ Except when it pertains to Decade. He's not about to say that out loud, though. ]