[ As it turns out, Barnaby has also chosen something more casual. Call it blending in better with the locals, or an inescapable desire to buy comfortable clothing, who can tell? Not only is he blending in, but he seems even more at ease than he has in some time. Whether it's this planet that's to blame or something else, it isn't apparent.
Soon enough, he spots November and approaches, wasting absolutely no time. ]
[ When Barnaby gets closer, he pulls himself away from the building, posture still very much relaxed. It's almost strange to see the other man in a more dressed down state. But, he reminds himself that Ajna was bitterly cold, so the clothing options had been much more limited.
Much, much more limited. ]
Not at all, you're on time as always. [ Are they gonna talk and walk? Because he's going to. ]
Though I am curious, why the sudden summons?
[ Because it hasn't even crossed his mind that Barnaby might count as a friend. He doesn't really remember how to have those outside of a professional setting. ]
I wasn't aware that I needed a reason. Although if you want one, my excuse is that I intend to go and check out more of the new stores. You, of course, have to come with me.
[ The truth is that Barnaby wanted to take the opportunity to spend some time together, outside of the usual doom and gloom of the CDC. Ajna was bitterly cold, the Neheda is never quiet, but this place? Well. It's just about right. Why not explore it with company? ]
[ His tone is on the edge of amusement and a sort of bafflement. Spending time that isn't training or working is a bit foreign to him. Whenever he had downtime with MI6, it was usually spent on his own. Because April needed her time alone, and having enough personal connections in every country was not what he would've called a good use of time.
But, it's not like he necessarily minds this change. It's just going to take a bit of getting used to. ]
"Normal" is the whole point. Did you miss the memo?
[ That reaction was almost worth it all on its own. Barnaby can't hide his amusement, doesn't see why he should either; what else did November expect to do while he was here? Train? Spend more time on his own? Normally those would be his own first inclinations, but sometimes even he knows when to slow down.
[ At the other man's response, he huffs a soft laugh– it's mostly directed towards himself. Come on, November, don't forget the first thing about re-integration training. Make a connection, delve into it as much as possible to open other doors. Apparent normalcy is a plus, don't get too weird. ]
I'll have you know I haven't considered myself in that category in a long time.
[ Contractors. ]
So, I suppose I might've. [ Okay, getting a little too deep here. ] Did you? That scarf can't be normal attire in this weather.
Neither have I. But there's a first time for everything, isn't there?
[ As for this outfit, well, it's not uncomfortable in the least. Actually, he thinks that it looks rather flattering on his form. Now isn't the time to start bragging about his fashion choices, however. ]
Generally I'm not the kind of man who plays by the rules. Besides, it's comfortable.
[ Open mind, etc etc. He's not really opposed to it, and as they walk along chatting aimlessly, he feels less...well, less disconnected. As much as his mind allows for, in any case. ]
Neither of us do; isn't that the outcome of having an unusual talent? [ That's not what Barnaby meant, but he's taking that direction anyway– his glance over is at sharp contrast to the easy smile on his mouth. ]
[ An unusual talent... Barnaby knows what he's talking about. His thoughts immediately turn to his powers, and how the CDC had lifted his time limit. He hadn't thought it possible, hadn't yet tested it much beyond 5:01, but it was true at least. They had kept their promise. ]
One thing that I've learned while being with the CDC is that we aren't the outsiders this time.
[ It is true that they're not seen as particularly strange here. The CDC is made up of such a variety, there's no time for avoidance of strangers. Not when there are missions hinging on teamwork and making sure everyone picks up the slack. In fact, they're usually seen as a useful resource– their powers tip them into having an advantage most of the time. ]
It's a bit of an adjustment. [ He's still not used to it. Is Barnaby? ] I don't know whether to be glad or wary.
I can't help being wary still. While I appreciate the openness, old habits die hard. It's still difficult to talk openly about my power without expecting it to go wrong. NEXT in our world couldn't participate in many day to day activities; they were continuously shunned.
[ Sometimes part of him still expected that here, even if he'd never actually had to deal with it directly yet. Barnaby wants to be glad, but that old wariness lingers yet. There's too much at stake, too much to risk. It could all fall down around them in a second, and so he can't be too forgiving. ]
[ Wow, this sounds familiar. It's actually a little shocking, because he knows they've hedged around the topic this whole time. An elaborate dance as they avoided talking about it openly. A nervousness neither of them could shake out of habit. ]
I understand. Contractors carry... a particular stigma. It's still an oddity not to have an adverse reaction when someone asks about it, here.
[ Because all that echoes through his head when he thinks of what he is, what so many others are: cold, heartless, soulless, monsters (not people, never people). ]
How'd you get through it?
[ He'd gotten broken and then remade, redone. It gets more and more difficult to remember how to react normally. What falls in that category anymore? ]
The man who raised me purposefully tried to shield me from the negative aspects of my powers. It's why he put me into the Hero program, so that he could make me see that my powers could be used for good. Of course, he couldn't shelter me forever. I realised what people called us.
[ How they saw them. Not as human beings, no; they were in a class of their own. Lesser people. Untrustworthy, unsafe. They had to construct an additional school, because NEXT were bullied if they went to a "normal" school. It pains Barnaby still to think about it, how when the city was in danger suddenly they weren't good enough at their job. ]
Now I'm used to being viewed as different. Most of the time it doesn't bother me, but I can't entirely escape the thought. Like Contractors, NEXT too are seen in a negative light. They don't trust our powers. They think that we will only use them to hurt others.
[ He takes note of the phrasing "the man who raised me". It indicates so much, though he's not about to dig into that. That was too personal, and he wasn't about to reciprocate if the question came back to him. ]
It sounds unfair, what you have to deal with. [ From what he gathers, most NEXT are probably incredibly pleasant. Normal people with a bit of a power upgrade, that's all. ] Contractors are thought to use their powers only to hurt people– it's rare when it isn't the truth. Most of us are employed by less than savory factions of government or undercover syndicates. What few of the general population knows about us has only seen us do more harm than any good.
[ He's not even going to attempt defending himself. It's hard to, when the facts are laid out in front of him. When he still feels no guilt or remorse for what he's done over the years. ]
[ While Barnaby doesn’t mind talking about many aspects of his life, simply out of habit, Maverick is the one person he doesn’t want to discuss at all. Given half the chance, that man would have ruined his life; in fact he was already close enough to doing it. Because of him, Barnaby didn’t grow up to follow in his parents’ footsteps.
Because of Maverick, Barnaby grew up without his parents at all.
Part of him wonders what that life could have been like, but at the same time, he knows too that he couldn’t imagine his life being any other way. Not that he’ll thank Maverick for what he’s done, but he can at least recognise the good sometimes. ]
Are Contractors inclined to pick up that kind of work because they have little other choice due to their status? Or does precedent dictate what they should do?
[ Or is it something else? Barnaby isn’t sure if this crosses a line or not, but he wants to know more before they go any further. So that he can form a proper opinion of this. ]
[ Now, isn't this the million pound question? After Bunny asks, he's silent, turning it over in his head. His situation was a little bit odd, he knows. He'd already been employed by MI6 by the time he'd gotten his Contractor powers. It seemed even more natural to stick to that kind of work, due to his powers and circumstances. But, now he has to consider how it's might've been, if he'd gotten his powers first and then gone out to make his career.
Would he have ended up in the same position? And would it have been a conscious decision or something he would've been driven to, by the expectations? He likes to think that his decisions are his own, but he has to concede when society has a bit of a push on them. ]
A mix of both. There aren't a lot of career options for people who don't feel anything. Moreover, we were a secret to most people until recently. The government, understandably, didn't want anyone to know about us.
[ The general public didn't really want to mix with monsters. ]
I can't even say most of us are unhappy, because that's digging into the emotional spectrum. We're living, and that's what matters.
People who don’t feel anything… it isn’t the first time that you’ve said as such, but how does something like that even work?
[ Of course, it’s not as though Barnaby doesn’t know about people like that. He knows his fair share of people who seem to feel little. But nothing at all? Somehow it’s something that he has a hard time wrapping his mind around. If they feel nothing, is it all purely for personal gain? Is it something else?
While he’s trying to understand, it’s not something Barnaby thinks he’ll ever be able to completely grasp. ]
Is living truly all that you care about? After all, I find it hard to believe with regards to Misaki.
November turns the question over in his head– there's not really an easy way to explain this. Because being completely unfeeling isn't quite how it works (at least, not for him, not anymore). But can he really call it feeling when it gets disregarded in favour of the most logical course? Does it count as an emotion or just a firing of synapses? PANDORA hadn't quite figured it out, and neither had he. Years of being a Contractor hadn't cleared it up in the least. ]
Not feeling isn't exactly true, but it's the most direct way to describe it. Mechanically, we feel a level of emotion, but it's numbed over, much lesser than anyone on the normal spectrum would feel. It's fleeting and easily put aside to consider the most rational choice. Present a Contractor a decision based on logic and one based on emotion and they'll always choose the former.
[ Except for Hei, but he's not about to rat him out. Besides, it's not like he understands that man any better than he understands himself. ]
Our main instinct in survival above all. I'm less likely to stick my neck on the line for someone else; it's compulsive. [ Mostly. As is the contract payment. He's about to expand on that when he stops halfway through starting. Bunny, that wasn't very nice. ]
[ While there is no doubt in his mind that this is November’s reality, Barnaby is finding it a little hard to follow along with. Perhaps it’s because he can’t imagine completely putting emotion aside all the time. Of course, he can when he needs to on the field, but sometimes he too can completely succumb to his emotions. He remembers a time when his emotions completely dictated everything that he did; it had taken Barnaby some time to recover from that.
But how could he continue to put them aside every time? He was sure that it had its advantages, but surely that too only extended so far sometimes. While the way that November explained it made sense, he still couldn’t completely wrap his mind around the idea, particularly when he considered the exception that he’d already outlined to the Contractor. His reaction to that is worth it, though. ]
I suppose that to some extent, that kind of response has its advantages. Particularly on the field; I can see why you work so well on Red team.
[ Yes, it’s a compliment, and a sincere one at that. Sometimes Barnaby realises that, compared to some of the others, he’s out of place there. Not that it’s stopped him from carving a place for himself, making sure that no one forgets that he too belongs there now.
When November protests about Misaki, Barnaby finds himself trying his best to hide his amusement. ]
[ If he didn't work well on Red Team with this advantage, he might actually be embarrassed. Of course, he appreciates the compliment, sees it for what it is and has a brief feeling of gratitude. Especially since it's coming from Barnaby, who he is a little closer to than some others (what is closeness, though, to a Contractor?) ]
You're not so bad yourself, all things considered. I imagine it must be a little more difficult.
[ Making decisions with emotions in the way and all. Rough, buddy. Still, his understanding only goes so far, since then he's pointedly ignoring the poorly hidden amusement on his companion's face. Calm down over there, Jessica Rabbit. ]
She saved my life. That's not the sort of thing you leave unpaid. [ He's from the land of honour and knights, this weird chivalry must be in the drinking water. ]
A little more difficult, yes, but not impossible. I understand what my weaknesses are.
[ Many of them he believes that he can overcome. However, it's something that he prefers not to think about. The CDC knows it, too, and they won't hesitate to use his main weakness against him. Most recently, Dagger already did after his Red assessment. He hadn't told anyone about that, and he didn't intend to. ]
I believe I understand something of owing someone for that. But is that all there is to it?
[ Being aware of one's weaknesses was the most important part, really. Otherwise, how does one adjust for it? Of course, being aware doesn't always mean they have to like it. He knows what his pitfalls are, places where he could do better on the field or while in command. Knows that his dependency on his contract is detrimental to anyone who would be willing to use it against him.
Dagger had, after his assessment. It had been uncomfortable, especially since it'd been the second occurrence in a span of a few days. He doesn't want to think of what would've happened if Dagger or Misaki had withheld for longer than they had. ]
Why would there be anything else? I'm grateful for her help.
[ There is a time and a place for pushing things further, Barnaby has realised. Judging by November's reaction, as satisfying as it could potentially be if he pursued this line of questioning, he knows that he should quit while he's ahead. As such, he lets his expression slide back into something more neutral, before he addresses the question properly. ]
I'm simply curious. I understand how it feels, after all, so I was looking for an alternative perspective.
[ As Barnaby seems to let up on... well, whatever it is he was trying to get out, his expression and posture seem to relax a bit. He's still going to tread cautiously in this conversation, since he's not sure where it's going (well, no, he does, and he didn't really like it). ]
I owe someone my life. So I'm simply curious from that angle.
[ Okay, that's a half-truth, but November doesn't need his suspicions confirmed for him. Without Kotetsu, however, Barnaby isn't sure where he'd be anymore - it's a sobering thought, and their conversation has easily reminded him of it. A genuine curiosity exists, even if ulterior motives come with it. ]
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Soon enough, he spots November and approaches, wasting absolutely no time. ]
I hope I didn't keep you waiting long.
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Much, much more limited. ]
Not at all, you're on time as always. [ Are they gonna talk and walk? Because he's going to. ]
Though I am curious, why the sudden summons?
[ Because it hasn't even crossed his mind that Barnaby might count as a friend. He doesn't really remember how to have those outside of a professional setting. ]
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[ The truth is that Barnaby wanted to take the opportunity to spend some time together, outside of the usual doom and gloom of the CDC. Ajna was bitterly cold, the Neheda is never quiet, but this place? Well. It's just about right. Why not explore it with company? ]
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[ His tone is on the edge of amusement and a sort of bafflement. Spending time that isn't training or working is a bit foreign to him. Whenever he had downtime with MI6, it was usually spent on his own. Because April needed her time alone, and having enough personal connections in every country was not what he would've called a good use of time.
But, it's not like he necessarily minds this change. It's just going to take a bit of getting used to. ]
This almost feels too normal.
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[ That reaction was almost worth it all on its own. Barnaby can't hide his amusement, doesn't see why he should either; what else did November expect to do while he was here? Train? Spend more time on his own? Normally those would be his own first inclinations, but sometimes even he knows when to slow down.
Sometimes. ]
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I'll have you know I haven't considered myself in that category in a long time.
[ Contractors. ]
So, I suppose I might've. [ Okay, getting a little too deep here. ] Did you? That scarf can't be normal attire in this weather.
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[ As for this outfit, well, it's not uncomfortable in the least. Actually, he thinks that it looks rather flattering on his form. Now isn't the time to start bragging about his fashion choices, however. ]
Generally I'm not the kind of man who plays by the rules. Besides, it's comfortable.
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[ Open mind, etc etc. He's not really opposed to it, and as they walk along chatting aimlessly, he feels less...well, less disconnected. As much as his mind allows for, in any case. ]
Neither of us do; isn't that the outcome of having an unusual talent? [ That's not what Barnaby meant, but he's taking that direction anyway– his glance over is at sharp contrast to the easy smile on his mouth. ]
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One thing that I've learned while being with the CDC is that we aren't the outsiders this time.
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It's a bit of an adjustment. [ He's still not used to it. Is Barnaby? ] I don't know whether to be glad or wary.
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[ Sometimes part of him still expected that here, even if he'd never actually had to deal with it directly yet. Barnaby wants to be glad, but that old wariness lingers yet. There's too much at stake, too much to risk. It could all fall down around them in a second, and so he can't be too forgiving. ]
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I understand. Contractors carry... a particular stigma. It's still an oddity not to have an adverse reaction when someone asks about it, here.
[ Because all that echoes through his head when he thinks of what he is, what so many others are: cold, heartless, soulless, monsters (not people, never people). ]
How'd you get through it?
[ He'd gotten broken and then remade, redone. It gets more and more difficult to remember how to react normally. What falls in that category anymore? ]
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[ How they saw them. Not as human beings, no; they were in a class of their own. Lesser people. Untrustworthy, unsafe. They had to construct an additional school, because NEXT were bullied if they went to a "normal" school. It pains Barnaby still to think about it, how when the city was in danger suddenly they weren't good enough at their job. ]
Now I'm used to being viewed as different. Most of the time it doesn't bother me, but I can't entirely escape the thought. Like Contractors, NEXT too are seen in a negative light. They don't trust our powers. They think that we will only use them to hurt others.
[ Some do, indisputably. But not everyone. ]
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It sounds unfair, what you have to deal with. [ From what he gathers, most NEXT are probably incredibly pleasant. Normal people with a bit of a power upgrade, that's all. ] Contractors are thought to use their powers only to hurt people– it's rare when it isn't the truth. Most of us are employed by less than savory factions of government or undercover syndicates. What few of the general population knows about us has only seen us do more harm than any good.
[ He's not even going to attempt defending himself. It's hard to, when the facts are laid out in front of him. When he still feels no guilt or remorse for what he's done over the years. ]
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Because of Maverick, Barnaby grew up without his parents at all.
Part of him wonders what that life could have been like, but at the same time, he knows too that he couldn’t imagine his life being any other way. Not that he’ll thank Maverick for what he’s done, but he can at least recognise the good sometimes. ]
Are Contractors inclined to pick up that kind of work because they have little other choice due to their status? Or does precedent dictate what they should do?
[ Or is it something else? Barnaby isn’t sure if this crosses a line or not, but he wants to know more before they go any further. So that he can form a proper opinion of this. ]
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Would he have ended up in the same position? And would it have been a conscious decision or something he would've been driven to, by the expectations? He likes to think that his decisions are his own, but he has to concede when society has a bit of a push on them. ]
A mix of both. There aren't a lot of career options for people who don't feel anything. Moreover, we were a secret to most people until recently. The government, understandably, didn't want anyone to know about us.
[ The general public didn't really want to mix with monsters. ]
I can't even say most of us are unhappy, because that's digging into the emotional spectrum. We're living, and that's what matters.
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[ Of course, it’s not as though Barnaby doesn’t know about people like that. He knows his fair share of people who seem to feel little. But nothing at all? Somehow it’s something that he has a hard time wrapping his mind around. If they feel nothing, is it all purely for personal gain? Is it something else?
While he’s trying to understand, it’s not something Barnaby thinks he’ll ever be able to completely grasp. ]
Is living truly all that you care about? After all, I find it hard to believe with regards to Misaki.
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November turns the question over in his head– there's not really an easy way to explain this. Because being completely unfeeling isn't quite how it works (at least, not for him, not anymore). But can he really call it feeling when it gets disregarded in favour of the most logical course? Does it count as an emotion or just a firing of synapses? PANDORA hadn't quite figured it out, and neither had he. Years of being a Contractor hadn't cleared it up in the least. ]
Not feeling isn't exactly true, but it's the most direct way to describe it. Mechanically, we feel a level of emotion, but it's numbed over, much lesser than anyone on the normal spectrum would feel. It's fleeting and easily put aside to consider the most rational choice. Present a Contractor a decision based on logic and one based on emotion and they'll always choose the former.
[ Except for Hei, but he's not about to rat him out. Besides, it's not like he understands that man any better than he understands himself. ]
Our main instinct in survival above all. I'm less likely to stick my neck on the line for someone else; it's compulsive. [ Mostly. As is the contract payment. He's about to expand on that when he stops halfway through starting. Bunny, that wasn't very nice. ]
Ah, that's a bit different. I owe her.
[ His white knight. ]
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But how could he continue to put them aside every time? He was sure that it had its advantages, but surely that too only extended so far sometimes. While the way that November explained it made sense, he still couldn’t completely wrap his mind around the idea, particularly when he considered the exception that he’d already outlined to the Contractor. His reaction to that is worth it, though. ]
I suppose that to some extent, that kind of response has its advantages. Particularly on the field; I can see why you work so well on Red team.
[ Yes, it’s a compliment, and a sincere one at that. Sometimes Barnaby realises that, compared to some of the others, he’s out of place there. Not that it’s stopped him from carving a place for himself, making sure that no one forgets that he too belongs there now.
When November protests about Misaki, Barnaby finds himself trying his best to hide his amusement. ]
How exactly is it different? I'm curious to know.
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You're not so bad yourself, all things considered. I imagine it must be a little more difficult.
[ Making decisions with emotions in the way and all. Rough, buddy. Still, his understanding only goes so far, since then he's pointedly ignoring the poorly hidden amusement on his companion's face. Calm down over there, Jessica Rabbit. ]
She saved my life. That's not the sort of thing you leave unpaid. [ He's from the land of honour and knights, this weird chivalry must be in the drinking water. ]
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[ Many of them he believes that he can overcome. However, it's something that he prefers not to think about. The CDC knows it, too, and they won't hesitate to use his main weakness against him. Most recently, Dagger already did after his Red assessment. He hadn't told anyone about that, and he didn't intend to. ]
I believe I understand something of owing someone for that. But is that all there is to it?
S T A R E S
Dagger had, after his assessment. It had been uncomfortable, especially since it'd been the second occurrence in a span of a few days. He doesn't want to think of what would've happened if Dagger or Misaki had withheld for longer than they had. ]
Why would there be anything else? I'm grateful for her help.
L A U G H S
I'm simply curious. I understand how it feels, after all, so I was looking for an alternative perspective.
[ It's not exactly wrong. ]
the worst
How do you mean?
[ Squinting at you, Bunny. ]
you love it
[ Okay, that's a half-truth, but November doesn't need his suspicions confirmed for him. Without Kotetsu, however, Barnaby isn't sure where he'd be anymore - it's a sobering thought, and their conversation has easily reminded him of it. A genuine curiosity exists, even if ulterior motives come with it. ]
nyeh
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