justttkidding: (hidden)
november "james blonde" 11 ([personal profile] justttkidding) wrote2014-04-28 05:50 am
Entry tags:

03. IC || Voicemail

 

11.november@cdc.org
(11) UNREAD MESSAGES

text message audio messagevoice mail
unconfines: (I'm sorry;)

i love you still

[personal profile] unconfines 2015-01-13 01:46 am (UTC)(link)
If luck is what I needed, then it's no wonder I haven't gotten anywhere.

[Harsh, angry, bitter. He's a raw wire of emotion right now: guilty, outraged, frustrated, depressed, elated. It's hard to tell which parts are his and which aren't. Whatever restraint and control he normally tries to maintain, the Black Box tore through it like tissue paper. His hair is messy from where he keeps dragging his hands through it.]

Sorry. I didn't— I'm not—[He swallows, refocusing. Talking is helping, a little, the sound of his own voice clearer over the noise in his head.] Are you all right?

[He's never seen that sort of look on November's face before, brief as it might have been. Like he's at the edge of something.]
unconfines: (but I was blessed with bad eyes;)

[personal profile] unconfines 2015-01-24 03:39 am (UTC)(link)
I died.

[Blunt. Aggressive. He is nowhere near all right. In a backwards, twisted way, he wishes November wasn't either, and frustration bubbles up again from low in his chest. He preferred the momentary flicker of something over this, playing at nothing. He wonders, not for the first time, if he's just seeing what he wants to see, grasping at straws that aren't there.

A truly Tranquil mage wouldn't have anything to fear from the Black Box. There's no love, no anger, no uncertainty. Only a directive and a goal to accomplish.

He pushes back.]


Or it— seemed like it. Felt like it. I don't know how... all that is supposed to work. But I do know it couldn't have been any better for you. Do you honestly expect me to believe you're just going to brush this off your shoulder, go on your merry way?
unconfines: (my lungs just won't calm down;)

[personal profile] unconfines 2015-01-29 05:35 am (UTC)(link)
[The Black Box has pulled something inside him thin, ready to snap. He can't let it go, not this time. He's never been any good at quitting while he was ahead.]

I think you'll act like it. I think you'll try, because that's what you're supposed to be, how you're supposed to be. But is it? Is it really? Can you look me in the face and tell me that not a single one of the deaths you saw in there mattered, not even slightly?

[It's almost a real question, if the slight, helpless edge to his voice is anything to go by. If there's anything to hold on to, anything at all, he's determined to drag it out inch by inch.]
unconfines: (my weakness I feel I must finally show;)

[personal profile] unconfines 2015-01-30 12:34 am (UTC)(link)
[He draws himself up but stands his ground, meeting the threat without flinching, chin lifting to accommodate for November's height advantage over him. He refuses to be intimidated away from this. He feels untethered, scattered, reckless, and his eyes scour for something, anything in that expression like what he'd seen a few moments before. What he'd been so sure he'd seen.

But— nothing. Just like that: there and gone.

His jaw clenches; he swallows hard. Gooseflesh pricks at his arms, a side-effect of either the sudden, unnatural chill, or sudden old memories of empty expressions. It's hard for him to say which.]


I could have been like you. [If things had gone differently, if he hadn't been so lucky, so often in the wrong place at the right time. His voice is harsh, resigned.] I know what it means. I know what it costs, even if you can't see it anymore.

Maybe I understand you better than you think.
unconfines: (can you feel it?)

[personal profile] unconfines 2015-01-30 05:14 am (UTC)(link)
[Tension cracks. The temperature restabilizes, and the rigid line of his shoulders wilts as he lets go of the breath he hadn't realized he was holding. The confusion that passes over his face is muted and brief, but there. He'd almost expected them to come to blows; he doesn't understand what changed in the span of a few seconds.

But it's there, again—the flicker, the thread. Something to hold onto, something to pull on until the rest unravels. There's no denying that there is something now, not after what just happened. November can't be empty, no matter how much he'd like to be.

Anders should be relieved. Satisfied. This should feel like a victory.

Instead, he just feels weary. There's no cure for Tranquility, not one he's ever heard of. How would someone cope with rediscovering their own emotions after so long separated from them? He doesn't know.

But how much does that matter, in the end? If there's one thing he's always been sure of, it's that no one deserves to live this way.]


All I've done is tell you the truth. [His voice is quieter now, softer around the edges.] You might want to consider listening.
unconfines: (if we bridge this gap;)

[personal profile] unconfines 2015-02-05 03:52 am (UTC)(link)
[What he hears is an opportunity to plead his case. It's the most slack that November's ever given him on this topic; he doesn't intend to let it slip out of his hands.]

It might get you nowhere. But it could also get you somewhere, and that's more than a lot of others in your position could say. Think about it: if they were wrong about this, what else could they have been wrong about?

[He has no idea who the "they" he's referring to is, in this case, only that there probably is some kind of "they" to speak of. This is how he desperately wants it to be, his conspiracy theories gaining traction. Not a permanent severance, like the Tranquil, but something more muted and flimsy, only effective as far as its victims are properly conditioned. He wants November to try, but more than that, he wants November to want to try.]

It's right in front of you. How can you still think it's not a risk worth taking?
unconfines: (and reached inside my head;)

[personal profile] unconfines 2015-02-08 06:02 pm (UTC)(link)
[He can't actually argue with a point like that. After everything that's happened to him, everything he's done, it seems impossible to try to reach for the person he used to be—even if he wanted to, which he doesn't. It might show in the sudden flicker of uncertainty on his face, or the way his momentum is temporarily derailed.

Temporarily. If he is anything, he is dogged.]


I'm not talking about going back. I'm talking about going forward. Logic isn't always the best way to approach some things, you have to know that by now.
unconfines: (but I don't mind;)

[personal profile] unconfines 2015-02-08 11:23 pm (UTC)(link)
[He doesn't want that to be true. But it's such a familiar argument, he can't help the way it makes his stomach sink. Can you cure a beheading? In Thedas, everything he's saying would be ludicrous, impossible, a waste of breath and time. If this turned out to be the same way, after all this, he doesn't know what he'd do. Another world with people like his, with abuses like his, might be too much to consider.]

I don't believe that. Things can be learned. They can be unlearned. Today proves that it's at least possible, you can't tell me that's not true.

What harm is there in trying? If I'm wrong, then— [something in his expression cracks] I'm wrong. You can tell me "I told you so" as much as you like.
unconfines: (if we bridge this gap;)

[personal profile] unconfines 2015-02-12 03:36 am (UTC)(link)
[He's silent for a long, uncomfortable moment. His jaw clenches. He finds he can't maintain eye contact, and glares at the opposite wall instead.

He is, slowly but surely, being worn down. Inevitability digs claws of doubt back into him, right at the edges. Some things simply are. They can't be changed, only toppled. Some people suffer, and can't be fixed. Some people can't notice at all that they might be suffering.]


I'm still not hearing a decent reason why you won't.

[He doesn't have much in way of arguments left. It might be a sign he knows he's losing.]
unconfines: (and reached inside my head;)

[personal profile] unconfines 2015-02-22 05:34 am (UTC)(link)
You have them. You just don't know how to use them.

[He sounds more resigned than insistent, now. To him, it feels like November is at the very edge; if he'd just take one more step, it might make all the difference. But this is an old situation, and a familiar argument. People like this look at the world like their feet were nailed to the floor.

He still wants to try. He probably still will try, never accustomed to giving up after falling down only once.]